Conversation with my Conscience.

Life?
There's so much more to it
Than clothes , money , cars
Life is full of obstacles and barriers
firewalls and distractions
Sorrow and Hate
Lust and Love
I ask myself
what is my life really about?
what is my purpose here?
am i happy and if im not, why do i bother?
But what if i dont have an answer to that?
And i continue to feel
empty
alone
and like a failure
and nothing seems to go as planned
should i do society a favor
and say Goodbye?
Would people be happy if im gone
Would i even be missed?
Would people who seemed to not care
care the most when im out their lives?
Would i be a memory for a topic in few discussions?
But, then i think to myself
Wouldnt it be selfish if i just left?
Wouldnt i hurt those who actually love me
Because i couldn't live with myself?
I feel trapped in my own thoughts
with no one to set me free...
Tears stream down my eyes,
the inner pain is too much to hide anymore
Everytime i smile, i cherish the moments
I dont know when will be the next time
I shun myself
and turn my head to many people
& Give them a cold shoulder
Im become stubborn
Im arrogant at times
I wish to not care anymore
Maybe then, will i see
Who cares about me...

Eyes

My eyes tell a story
Of Pain and neglect
Look into them
and you look into me
Do not judge me by my actions
or what i might say
my eyes tell a story
it speaks to you.

would you listen
would you understand
it says so much
and people turn a deaf ear
i just want to be heard
and cared for
Maybe catered to or maybe even loved
I cry every night and pray
One day the ice from your heart
will melt away
the barrier across your eyes
will be moved
so you can look into mines
and see what love is
i dont want much
all i want is for you
to feel my presence
Feel me,
My eyes tell a story
Yes, it surely do
Long story short.
It says, I love you♥

I LOVE THIS WOMAN

Songs of the Day

Tokio Hotel -READY SET GO





















Taking Back Sunday - Cute without the E

A smile for a day

Woke up Crying
Hands drenched
I cant understand
why everything saddens me.
why everyone hurt me
i blame myself
i open up
i let them in
but after the pain
is sorrow
after sorrow
is happiness
i do feel its presence
its foreign to me
ill cherish it
as if it was my last moment
alive
im in love with it
and it loves me back
when i smile
i feel like the world smiles with me
oh how i love positivity
the smell of the rain
the warmth of the sun on my skin
the wetness of the grass under my feet
from the morning dew
little things like this
makes me smile
i love life and its secrets
but i am not afraid of dying
but happiness will soon depart
and again, we will drift apart
oh how i long for this feeling again
Please, save me from myself, and come back soon.

Over Everything

So over the lies

tired of looking in the mirrors.

seeing the pain in my eyes

So Over the anguish

the abandonment i feel

so over false promises

and people saying things they don't mean

so over the stories

the fantasies

i'm scared to sleep

i'm scared to dream

i'm so over everyone in the world

i'm tired of this thing

called Reality.

Im hurting Inside

and I wish someone can

share my pain

spiteful things people do to me

to make themselves happy

How long will it last?

And would my sorrow past.

I write this as i'm still breathing

because if i didnt , i would die.

Life seems so vast to me

so empty, so cold

my emotions , i can no longer control.

this spirit opened my concealed heart

entered, and broke it apart.

I leave it as it is, afraid to hurt my self more

Asking myself, when will my pain leave

I thought i was numb, i thought i couldnt feel.

is this make-believe???

This cant be real!

Did i expose myself so openly

and did i really get played as a fool.

Hmph! You win, i lose??

For now maybe, but my time will come

Karma is a bitch

But i still fucks with her.

Now i fall in love

with my sorrow once again

drowning myself deep in my pain

Away from emotions, away from sweet emotions

i no longer want to care

i wish to never care about anything anymore...

i wish i can fly

so i can fly far away from EARTH

from Humanity

From You.

Yes, I did fall in deep and i apologize

But now, i regret everything i ever loved about You.

NUMB.

I love sitting in the dark quietly
where i cant hear no sound of Day
my thoughts are scrambled
can no longer concentrate or pray.
Pray that happiness seeks for me
Instead of my heart searching furiously for it.

I wonder if i really felt emotions for this spirit.
or was it my loneliness looking for a way out of my heart
i try to tell myself that
wishing to believe it soon
but the feelings wont come out
even when i heard it wasnt mutual

i cry on the inside and cut so i can feel alive
no emotions on my face
its like they know to hide
so i wont get hurt by the world
and keep me in my dark place.

i want to scream out loud
but no sound escapes
why do i feel like this?
why so soon?? why right now??
Cant be love?
I refuse to believe it is
but if it isnt, then what is it?
its taking the best of me
i no longer feel pretty
no longer feel beautiful
no longer feel worthy
no longer feel free
i feel like i failed again
Now i just no longer feel.

thoughts...

I love sitting in the dark quietly
where i cant hear no sound of Day
my thoughts are scrambled
can no longer concentrate or pray.

Heartbreak

Happiness
bliss
excitement
things I enjoyed
only because of you
smiled all day
dreamt of wonderful fantasies all night
it's still unbelieveable to me how deep I got in

now I'm alone
cold
depression never left but it definitely was gone for a while
I always try to hold my smile in wen I look into ur eyes
wen we had sex I tried not to cry
not to be sad but because it just felt right
now u jus ripped all emotion out of me
I no longer no how to feel
how to care
how to love
that was the last battle
and my heart has lost the war...
Slowly drowning in darkness till everything is frozen.
There's nothing here anymore
just leave me where you left me.