NUMB.

I love sitting in the dark quietly
where i cant hear no sound of Day
my thoughts are scrambled
can no longer concentrate or pray.
Pray that happiness seeks for me
Instead of my heart searching furiously for it.

I wonder if i really felt emotions for this spirit.
or was it my loneliness looking for a way out of my heart
i try to tell myself that
wishing to believe it soon
but the feelings wont come out
even when i heard it wasnt mutual

i cry on the inside and cut so i can feel alive
no emotions on my face
its like they know to hide
so i wont get hurt by the world
and keep me in my dark place.

i want to scream out loud
but no sound escapes
why do i feel like this?
why so soon?? why right now??
Cant be love?
I refuse to believe it is
but if it isnt, then what is it?
its taking the best of me
i no longer feel pretty
no longer feel beautiful
no longer feel worthy
no longer feel free
i feel like i failed again
Now i just no longer feel.